...and its like, having your fingers ballet across the love letter i wrote in braile on my heart, and you tell me you feel nothing

And there's so much depth to my heart babe, but don't be scared I won't let you drown...

I feel as if trouble follows me around. But I don't mind, I court it. I freakin flirt with trouble and encourage my friends to do the same.
But it's for they're own good... It gives them perspective and keeps their options open.
Sometimes I worry that I am an emotional robot- doing things and saying things beacuse that is what society expects me to do and say that I feel. When in truth, it's hard for me to safely feel anything at all.
My parents are divorced. I don't have much faith in love.
Although I desperately want to. And I do love people...just not in any romantic sense.
(But I know that I can...if maybe I try?)
I don't want to get into the whole cliche " How do you know it's love?..and is it in love or just love?...is there a difference?..."
Hm. I don't know if those are questions of self indulgence and arrogance or important, pivotal questions.
Like "Who are you?"
although I'm convinced the question isn't
"Who are you?" it's "Who are you being?"
But back to the point. The reason I was thinking about this is because like most teenage girls in American society, I've have had a few boyfriends. Meaning that I have a few exes...and one these people believes so strongly in love with all the poetry in his soul and the hope in his heart...
that he tries too hard. Which is both a good and bad thing for him and me.
I desperately wanted to be in love with him but didn't know how.
I don't know what he was thinking, but I know that no one will ever be enough until he learns how to love himself...
Or whatever. In all honesty I don't like this subject because it's so trivial and there is nothing I can do about it for any one of the people in my life.
But he was the closest I ever came. And it didn't work out. Hence my mistrust in relationships.

Tonight was the talent show. Instead of putting his love into a person he put's it into music. I understand, I do the same.

New beginnings are hard to live by. Not by any lack of determination, but because of a family that doesn't believe that I'm okay. When I say I don't want to talk about something, it's for a reason.

After tomorrow it's Easter break. I'm ready.

And After the melody in came the beat...beat...of the bass